Are Vaccines Stopping Your Wife from Reaching Orgasm?

My letter to the CDC

Spike Protein — Love — Germ Theory

To Whom It May Concern at the CDC,

My name is Peter William Murphy, and I am writing to lodge a formal complaint regarding the COVID-19 vaccine’s impact on my marriage.

Specifically, I believe it has prevented my wife from experiencing orgasm since April 2021 — two weeks after her second dose of Pfizer and the same day I started a podcast with the boys.

Now, I’m no scientist. I’m a taxpayer. I’m a man. A red-blooded man with needs. I may not be a doctor or have fancy degrees, but I believe I am within my constitutional rights to inquire whether the mRNA vaccine has caused a fundamental loss of wifely pleasure in my household.

Prior to her full inoculation, my wife and I engaged in regular, moderately fulfilling intercourse.

My Chaos Muse didn’t always finish, but there was an optimism about the endeavor. Hope. A chance. Candles. Sometimes, the radio. But ever since she got the jab, it’s like I’m trying to pleasure someone who no longer believes in life.

My podcast on Substack, The Unwashed Lion, is ranked number 700 worldwide. In it, I discuss how germs and red meat keep us alive and how not washing can lead to a healthier alpha life. I thought starting my own business would give my wife a giddy-up, but so far she hasn’t watched it.

She no longer moans — she cries. Poor thing. Damn you, Pfizer!

I’ve since done my own research. I know that phrase carries baggage, but I want to be clear: I have not visited Reddit.

My evidence comes directly from X, YouTube, and a podcast hosted by two chiropractors and a man named “TruthBeard.”

According to them, the spike protein is not just in the bloodstream — it’s in her vagina.

TruthBeard, who will be a guest on my podcast next week, thinks it’s her smartphone, satellites, and the fact that she sleeps on a bed.

This may be anecdotal, but I’ve noticed that since the booster, my wife now watches The Majority Report and finds Jordan Peterson “a little basic.”

She used to like it when I called her my little Judeo-Christian flame. She said, “I’m Muslim now.” — during sex.

Said she liked the washing five times a day and suggested that I “convert.”

Jesus. Strong side effects.

Doctor, I ask you plainly: Is it the vaccine? Is it that I proved COVID was a hoax by licking a toilet seat? That I called all those who died “weak” for not living the lion lifestyle”?

Please advise.

Until then, I have an idea for you to wrap your brain around.

My final solution

My proposed solution is modest: develop a counter-vaccine — an anti-vaxxer vax — that undoes the biochemical conditioning that has robbed her of joy. Not just sexual, but spiritual.

Good doctor, please respond promptly.

Poste haste.

The intimacy drought is reaching biblical proportions.

I’m still willing to fight for this marriage, but I can’t do it alone. I need science. Right science. A map of meaning. 12 rules for the fallopian tube. Anything.

Please hurry, she left for prayer four days ago.
Could be back any minute.

Sincerely,
Peta,
Husband, patriot, victim, free thinker, and host of The Unwashed Lion available on all streaming services.

A Note from the Real Peter:

Most of my writing is free to read. But if you’ve enjoyed this or found it worth your time, know that any money earned from this Substack goes directly toward a dream my wife and I have been building for years: opening our own school.

We believe in a different kind of education — one grounded in curiosity, courage, and critical thought. You can learn more about that vision on my [About page].

Thank you for reading, and for being part of this journey.

— Peter

Chat GPT - Leave me alone, it’s a time saver and I can’t draw.