Gen Z Discovers Very Gen Z Way of Getting Around Soaring Coffee Prices

Prices are up and vibes are down, but Gen Z has recreated the town

Satire — News — Ode

When I think of Gen Z, I immediately think of Ben Stiller’s film, Zoolander, and the line, “Back when I was a literalist, life was simple.”

I’m not sure what that line means, but it feels like a good lead-in to this piece.

What you just read above is a typical millennial lead-in to a thought piece about nothing important.

Early to mid-millennials are good at that bullshit.

We grew up being terrorized by Gen Xers but also had the privilege of being taught by them. Gen Xers, to us millennials, were cool.

They became skateboarders after watching the movie Dogtown; they were the first island adventurers after Alex Garland’s The Beach hit the bookshops, and they discovered Ibiza and dance music. They were edgy.

That edginess rubbed off on us as the 90s morphed into the 2000s, Apple took over, Vine died, The Facebook took control, TikTok rose, and the 2020s arrived.

During that time, millennials witnessed oral sex in the Oval Office, Y2K, literal planes flying into buildings, a War on Terror, the London and Madrid bombings, financial collapse, rebuild, the Arab Spring, and then a pandemic, as we hustled and drank coffee.

We were problem solvers, and if something became too expensive, we made more money because fuck making Nescafe at home like a peasant.

If our countries had no jobs, we simply fled to islands like the lost boys we grew up on.

Gen Z is different.

A recent New York Something article popped up and informed me that Gen Z had found a way to combat Java’s (not the script) rising prices.

“Interesting. Finally, these mousy boys and girls are going to go through their own trauma.” I thought. Or at the very least, have to give up coffee.

What they are doing instead shocked me.

Because of high coffee prices, Gen Zers are building cafes in their apartments complete with fancy filters, IKEA tables, and green aprons.

I wondered if they wrote down their names on the cups before calling out into the void to find themselves.

It sounds more expensive, but what do I know?

It reminded me of my wife, who is also Gen Z, which I just discovered while doing deep research for this structureless article.

Every night, while I relax by going hiking to ruminate alone on the past three decades or playing video games such as ‘Kill All The People 8’ and ‘Evil Pervert Ghost 9: The Murdering,’ my wife relaxes by playing Grocery Store Manager Simulator.

Weirdo.

She works all damn day and comes home just to play a game where she stacks shelves.

I sometimes sit on the sofa and observe her.

She takes inventory on her PC, helps customers, and pays staff while watching murder documentaries on her tablet.

I asked her to stop watching those documentaries, but she said, “Relaxing.” She didn’t even turn her head.

I went for a walk in the mountains.

She texted, “Me miss you. Man come home. Time together special.”

I came home.

Sat on the sofa.

And watched her stack shelves. Safe and calm.

She was happy.

Happy in the order she had now created and could experience in this crazy world.

“Maybe that’s the lesson.” I type after scrolling up to check the title of this piece.

Maybe, despite all my bluster about the past, it was actually normal. Well, the 90s and 00s were. But for Gen Z, there’s been nothing but oddities and distractions, fake news, a crumbling democracy, and AI.

Who am I to say that they shouldn’t bring a bit of normalcy into their homes, like a cup of home-brewed coffee, in such a creative and very Gen Z way?

Maybe the next revolution will be recreating institutions.

Home museums of simpler times.

Maybe every generation is different, and that’s OK.

After all, not everyone can be cool and ridiculously good-looking.