Working from home sucks
Yeah, you can stop reading now. That’s it. That’s the answer. It sucks.
The sad part is that I believed withdrawing from the traditional workplace environment would have the answers to all my problems. Unfortunately, I don’t think I had that many to begin with.
What made me go remote
I began my experiment in September 2023 after I quit my job as a teacher. For context, I had worked on-site at a large private school for over eight years. I enjoyed every minute of it, but when COVID took hold, and the world was forced to work from home, I found myself experiencing a completely new way of living.
Now, I should preface this by stating that I was lucky. I lived next to a beautiful park that led to a majestic mountain, so hikes and walks were always within my reach.
Yes, it was still a change. I went from 5 AM commutes on a dingy bus to waking at 8 am and walking for an hour before my first lesson. Some days, I’d only have three or four classes, so I spent my time learning the guitar and working out. In case you haven't clocked it, I was single during the pandemic.
Despite the horror of the global pandemic, I enjoyed myself. I feel guilty for saying that, but it’s the truth.
When we finally went back to school full-time, I was greeted by stuffy classrooms, kids coughing on me, moody co-workers, and a terrible commute. I felt like I was doing more work for the same money. I mean, we kept the show on the road online, so why not continue? I thought. Silly I know but being back on campus sucked.
Despite the silly thoughts, I did have some concern that was warranted. Teachers were getting sicker and missing work. This meant that the healthy teachers had to fill in who, in turn, would get ill. This went on all year. I was dejected. I didn’t understand what had happened. How was I so healthy during the health pandemic yet so disgustingly ill now that things had returned to normal?
So, I quit and decided to work from home.
Working from home sucks — The List
Now, this is the part of the article where I go from being talky Peter to list Peter. Instead of being all conversational with ya’ll, I’m just going to tell you the negatives of working from home. So far, it’s been a year, so maybe you can take something away from this. There will be no positives. Increased frequency of masturbation and porn addiction does not count as a positive.
My bladder is useless now.
One thing I was great at when I worked on site was my ability to stay hydrated but only use the bathroom three times during work hours. When I began working from home, I noticed I owned a toilet and could use it whenever I got the urge. This has resulted in me not being able to hold my urine in social gatherings.
Clothes — Damned if you do, damned if you don’t
As September turned into October, I began to feel weird watching my wife get all done up as she prepared for work. I had spent eight years grooming myself and wearing the best suits to work. Now, I was in shorts and not sure how to look. I decided to keep the habit sans the suit. I showered, shaved, and wore a nice polo every morning before my calls and zooms (I’m an online teacher/recruiter). But eventually, my work-from-home schedule made this redundant. Sometimes, my calls wouldn’t start until 1 p.m. So I needed to find something else to do.
I didn’t get fit; I got fat.
During the pandemic, I became extremely fit. I was in my early 30s and loving life. I figured if I repeated the process, I’d get the same results. I didn’t. The stress of going it alone led me to overeat, and the pressure to make money glued me to my computer.
Illness became the norm.
Going into my work-from-home experiment, I had notions of greatness. I believed, as stated above that my health would go back to pandemic levels when I was beyond healthy and full of vaccines (I took four). Well, as I said above, the stress and overeating led to multiple illnesses, including a bad bladder infection, which rendered my new hobbies of masturbating relentlessly void. From December to February, I was in and out of hospital.
I became uber-stressed about EVERYTHING.
Going it alone after having your bum wiped by a corporation for close to a decade is a jarring experience. It was only mid-February, and I was already on the brink. Yes, I had followed my dream, and I was making more money, but the next month was always unknown. No matter how much I made, I was always on edge, which led to more stress, illness, and overeating. I still couldn’t masturbate, but my bladder was recovering.
I couldn’t enjoy my money and overspent on crap.
I have fond memories of making nothing as a teacher. Really, I do. My life was simple, and when I did spend money, it was usually on something that meant a lot to me. Like a weekend away, a new guitar, or a fancy restaurant with my wife (Oh yeah, I got married.) But even though I was making two to three times the amount I made as a teacher, it was irregular, and I couldn’t enjoy it. It wasn't enough to make any life-changing investments, nor was it enough to relax and take a week off to treat the wife to a city break in Rome, which is only a $100 plane trip from where we live. I was simply on edge, spending money on food, coffee, and clothes to try and keep up with my expanding waistline. It sucked.
What did I do wrong?
Well, first, I assumed that my experience of working from home during the pandemic as an employee would carry over to working from home as a freelancer. I know this piece, at times, sounds satirical, but honestly, that was the most naive notion I have ever had in my life. Almost embarrassing. I must’ve been desperate to quit and just told myself what I needed or wanted to hear. I failed to realize that the company funded my trips up the mountain to the gym and the cafes. I had no idea I was actually meant to stay at home during school hours during the pandemic. I should’ve known in hindsight because one day I got a call to cover a class and I was swimming in a waterfall in the valley. My superior was angry.
I also failed to keep to a rigid schedule when I began remote working. I know we want fluidity, but a solid schedule is vital. It makes you reliable to those around you.
Working from home sucked, so I made some adjustments.
Now, you might be still reading this and saying to yourself, ‘What the actual fuck is wrong with you, Murphy’s Law?’ and you’d be right to ask. I asked myself the same question but not all is lost.
My bladder now works properly, and I have printed a schedule on my fridge so my wife knows when I’m on and when I’m off. As mentioned, this means she can actually rely on me.
I have also begun working part-time at a private college two days a week. This has relieved some pressure as the wage covers my rent, bills, credit card, and phone. This means everything I make from my own work goes into savings, investments, and date nights, which are vital.
When I need to pee, I wait a while and don’t give in. I also deleted all my VPNs after I became too familiar with certain videos and went down some strange sexual rabbit holes, which resulted in frustration as my bladder still hadn’t fully healed.
Conclusion
Working from home does suck, but if you don’t give in and use the toilet whenever you feel like it, it can be great. Keeping a solid, rigid schedule is vital. My schedule became floppy and uninterested. Remember, you’re the boss. So, would I recommend working from home? No, but everyone is different, and we only get one shot on this earth, so if you’re not enjoying your current circumstance, give it a go. Just don’t make the mistakes I made.
Author’s note
I was going to write this as a straight piece, but as I recounted all that had gone wrong last year, I found myself chuckling. I know sometimes it’s frustrating not knowing if the author is being 100% serious or just pulling your leg, so I’ll come out and say it. This piece is pretty truthful. Sure it might be comedic and I believe somewhat satirical but all the problems I lay out, even the silly ones have an element of truth.
I am happily married and have never seen a pornographic video in my life.
I Quit My Job To Work From Home: Here’s What I Learned